


Lapidot Christmas Fun

by Bundthead



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Fun, Joke Fic, lapidot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-10 17:41:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12916947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bundthead/pseuds/Bundthead
Summary: Lapis and Peridot have a nice Christmas together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy oh boy.

YEET. Today was Christmas eve, Lapis and Peridot were both very excited, they'd never celebrated CHRISTMAS before. Today and tomorrow would change their lives forever.

 

Lapis and Peridot sat by the Christmas tree, gosh the poor thing, being knocked over with great force by Lapis' mighty water powers, being dragged into this barn which saw barely any sunlight, then being raped by many colorful glass balls and lights, it felt hot, "eND My suffERINg" it screamed into nothingness, no one could hear it.

"golly gee isn't it beautiful Lapis?" Peridot said, not taking her eyes off the disaster of a Christmas tree.  
"uh, yeah sure." Lapis didn't really give two shits about the tree, what she really cared about were the bright and colorful wrapped boxes under it.  
Peridot noticed Lapis staring at the gifts and she remembered something, "Lapis, Fat fuc-- I mean Steven, told me that on Christmas eve you're allowed to open one present" Peridot paused for a second. "would you like to...open one?"

Lapis suddenly pushed Peridot to the side knocking her to the ground, getting on her knees and looking at the boxes, before picking out a medium sized present decorated with several bows.  
She turned to Peridot who sat up and looked at the box. "This one." Lapis said. "oh uh okay then, open it"

Lapis did just that, tearing open the packaging with great force. She was very disappointed at what she saw, a framed picture of all the gems, Steven, Amethyst, Garnet, Pearl, and Lapis, oh and a cut out picture of Peridot glued to the side of the picture. "Bitch the fuck is this i wanted something useful".  
"You don't like Steven's gift?" Peridot asked, confused.  
"I'll look at it every day." Lapis said hugging the picture, now knowing the gift was from Steven.

"What about you Peridot? Aren't you gonna open one?" Lapis asked.

"oh! uh no i think i'll wait until tomorrow" Peridot said, shuffling closer to Lapis and resting her head on her arm. "Okay well Merry Christmas eve Peridot" Lapis said, wrapping an arm around Peridot,  
"You too, Lapis."


	2. Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chriams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ergerg

Mmmm Lapis was having a nice sleepy times, dreaming of burning towns and ruling over the universe, good dreams is very nice. zzzzzz

But it didn't last long because PERIDOT came in and PUSHED HER OFF THE HAMMOCK.

"oh god damn Peridot the fuck was that for what time is it." Lapis asked, getting off the floor.

"CHRIMAAAA'"

"What"

"CHRISTMAAAAAS!"  
O SHIT that's right today was Christmas haha how could she forget?

"oh yeah i totally forgot thanks for waking me up Peridot" Lapis said as she pat Peridot on the head.  
"anytime LaZUli" Peridot responded.  
"now lets goooooooooooooooooooooooo" Peridot said as she grabbed Lapis by the arm, pulling her towards the pretty much dying Christmas tree.  
Peridot shoved a gift into Lapis' BIG BEAUTIFUL BREASTS uNf. "Is this for me?", Lapis grabbed the box, looking at it.

"no it's for those SWEET SWEET KNOCKERS OF YOURs" Peridot screamed.  
"uh"  
"just open it"

Lapis opened the present, and saw a little box.  
"oh a box, uh thanks?" Lapis was confused.

"nono, you gotta open thAT box too."

Lapis took the top off this box and started violently gagging.

"WHY."

"DO YOU NOT LIKE IT"

"NO WHY WOULD YOU GIVE THIS TO ME ARE YOU STUPID"

INSIDE THE SMALLER BOX WAS A MIRROR JUST LIKE THE ONE SHE HAD BEEN TRAPPED IN FOR LIKE 2 HOURS. 

Lapis smashed the mirror on the ground a little bit it kinda broke into several thousand pieces.  
Peridot cried a little bit and her heart kinda broke into several thousand pieces.  
"shh i know you meant well but you gotta understand i hate mirrors shhhhhhhh"  
Lapis gave Peridot a little box to cheer her up  
"i got you something, don't feel bad". Peridot looked up at the box and went "wao" and opened it.

"oH MY GOODNESS LAPIS YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!!!!"  
She grabbed the giant black dildo and stuffed it into her hair, it stuck out a little bit but that's fine.

The other dildo from easter had somehow broken in half when they got into that fight it was spooky.

Peridot hugged Lapis, being sure to go face first into heR GIANT BAZOOMBAS. MMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

but just then they remembered steveN!

"We gotta go spend christmas with steve!!! quick grab the rest of the presents ill bring the tree." Lapis screamed at Peridot.

They spent the rest of christmas with steben and Peridot got screamed at by pearl a little because of the dildo in her hair but it was fine because when they got back to the barn later that night they had sexy times with dildo and everyone was happy the end.

**Author's Note:**

> There gon be a chapter two dont worry your god is here.


End file.
